Monday, 10 March 2014

Snide Comment

Today I received this comment on my blog:


Officially deleting from my reading list. So sad that once a person becomes a parent they no other thoughts [sic] than baby.....guess you won't have anything to think about in 18 years.

Huh?!

I have no problem with people not wanting to read this blog any more. I have a baby - I am where many, many people who started to read this blog want to be. I've reached the finish line.

I fully expected people to stop reading. I wrote about that here way before I even got pregnant.

But you don't need to tell me! What possible motivation do you have for leaving such a snide, bitchy little comment? 

You'll notice that the number of posts I write has dropped off dramatically. Partly this is because I am too tired and my free time is too limited to write but also I find myself hovering over the publish button. Is it too much? Do my readers really want to hear more ramblings about the joys - and sometimes the lows - of being a mummy? So another post goes unpublished.

And let's be clear: when I was trying to get pregnant I had lots of other things going on in my life other than infertility. I didn't write about it because that wasn't the nature of this blog. Now I have less going on - things do revolve around my baby, I am on maternity leave and I have to look after her 24 hours a day but that doesn't mean that I have "no other thoughts than baby", but they are what I choose to write about.

But don't worry I will have plenty to think about in 18 years.

In 18 years I will still be thinking about my daughter, in 26 years I will still be thinking about her, in 37 I will still be thinking of her. But not exclusively. I am sure I will still have other things to do and think about, as I did before her and I do still now.

Do you know what I think would be worse than writing about my daughter? If I continued to write blog posts that whined about being infertile. About how mothers who got pregnant easily can't relate to my "struggle". How I am still infertile even though I have a baby and people should understand that having a child doesn't wipe away the years of hurt. (It does by the way - there is still a small stain but so much of the pain of the last seven years has been eradicated - and I'm telling you that as encouragement not to boast). 

I once read a post on another blog - again way before I got pregnant - in which the new mother asserted that infertiles loved their babies more than people who got pregnant easily. This is utter, utter horseshit. That made me stop reading the blog in question (and I just stopped; I didn't comment). The only discernible difference I have noticed between mothers who found it easy to get pregnant and those who didn't is some (SOME!) will talk more readily about when they want to get pregnant again to get the perfect age gap between their children.

So dear readers, who have supported me and seen me through the very lowest of times - thank you. If you choose to move on I totally get it. 

I would. 

I have in the past.

But don't tell me! 

Right, maybe I'll go back and publish some of those written but unpublished posts.



21 comments:

  1. Just dropping my vote in the hat: I'd love to read your unpublished posts. I truly enjoy your writing, however infrequently it arrives. Also, I think you're well rid of the person who left that comment.

    -JC

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  2. PUBLISH! PUBLISH! PUBLISH! :) Hit go on them all :) I love the way you write - I dont care what its about! :)

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  3. During infertility I had my reader organised, and I would tag blogs for TTC, pregnancy or parenting after IF. Could choose what I was up to.
    I'd love to hear how you fare with Olive. (And how you find the transition from covered in baby vomit to covered in baby snot)

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  4. Another who's sticking around and who is happy to read whatever you've got to say on any topic. I'm sorry someone wrote that.

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  5. I vote with Miss Mon: Publish. The goods, the bads, the reality that constantly shifts. Even about just going to the grocery store or talking a walk. AND, I fully understand if you need a nap more than hitting publish.....but I love it when you do publish.

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  6. WOW What the heck is that even about?? This is YOUR blog, you can write about whatever you want! And this is what your life is right now, your baby! There is nothing wrong with that. You aren't forcing anyone to stay if that's not what they want to read. Any new mother is pretty damn consumed with her child! That doesn't mean you don't think about other things. How ignorant. Post away dear!

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  7. Oh please post those! I love your writing. I'm sorry that this crazy person did this.

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  8. I agree that you should post them! If we wanted to, we could opt out. Not sure why her knickers were in a twist. I look forward to the next installment!

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  9. delurking to say that the comment you received is utter nonsense and I am sorry you received it in the first place. I've enjoyed reading your blog for a while now (even if I didn't comment) and I'm certain I will continue to enjoy it. Your reflections on your experiences are funny and real and poignant. If a random asshole doesn't like it, too bad. There are plenty of us who do like what you write.

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  10. I found this blog while googling infertility, but the reason I continue to read it is because I find your writing funny and entertaining. Please keep writing, I don't care what about! Although, I have to say, I love hearing about Olive and how much you're enjoying being a mummy...

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  11. How is the baby? Inquiring minds want to know.

    Snide, annoying people, on the other hand, feel entitled to more specific types of posts, apparently. *Shrug*

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  12. Hate when people feel the need to comment like that. I enjoy reading the whole journey and where you are on your journey right now is getting to know your baby and sharing your joy/difficulties as you see fit. Pretty sad that this person feels that you owe them anything in particular on your blog.

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  13. Well said!

    As a fellow infertile (who, as the fates would have it, is now pregnant!), I can honestly say that reading your blog during my really low moments helped me find the laugh-out-loud moments of the trying to conceive process (not the usual process, the process that just us special people get to endure!). I continued to read your blog when you became pregnant and a mum because I knew that it was a "safe" blog to read. Everything written was "infertile-sensitive." It's so refreshing to have a place where you can still read posts and dream about a one-day without wondering if something in the next paragraph is going to make you burst into tears. As infertiles, we spend so much time avoiding baby things it's comforting to know that better times are coming and that the moments you are now sharing are moments that hopefully we will one day enjoy too. I mean for heaven's sake, now that I'm pregnant and looking at baby things, I still feel pangs of guilt towards my infertile self for daring to dream and plan about these things!
    Keep writing! :-)

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  14. Wow. How shitty (and tacky) could one be? That reader obviously took your hiatus as something personal. As for myself, sure I have missed your hilarious and enlightening posts, but it's not like you have nothing else to do ! O-L-I-V-E. that's what you have to do ! I think its great that you continue at all..

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  15. Please keep writing!!! I check this blog everyday just to see if you have posted something. I love your writing style and am so excited when I see a new post. Write and post about whatever you want- it's your blog- and we can all choose to read or not.

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  16. People are dicks. The end.

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  17. Please publish the unpublished posts. Please tell us all about what Olive does...what she says, what she does... I love reading it all!
    Its how you write that I love... funny and yet able to make me cry... !

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  18. (Sigh, blogspot has chewed my comments three times.)
    Abbreviated comment: So many of us want to read, we outweigh the Mean Twerp many times over. Publish!

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  19. Dear Liz,
    I've followed your blog not because I'm infertile, not because I could relate to you journey from similar experiences, not even because I'd experienced what it was like to desperately want to have a child.

    I followed it because I like you. Your sense of humour had me in stitches and because I thought, "If she can make me laugh with her, at the same time feel compassionate towards her and the whole miserable experience of being an infertile... then I'm on that journey with her and I want to see it through to the end."

    And I'm really glad I have and I'll happily hang around like an interested 'aunty' listening to any parenting anecdotes you want to thrown in too for the next 37 years or so. Merely because I'm delighted that you got to where you wanted to be, namely as Olive's mother.



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  20. I have followed your blog for goodness knows how long, just because you got your baby doesnt mean the journey is over. Keep pressing publish, I love reading your posts

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I've resisted word verification for ages but I'm getting so many spam comments at the moment that I think it is time. Sorry!